Humble Beginnings

Some days...regardless of the effort and energy I might be putting forth...drawings or paintings just don't flow how I had imagined them in my head.  It's frustrating beyond all belief.  Lots of times I would just scratch the project and start over...with the second attempt usually not coming to any avail.  So many of my works have never been finished because I just trashed them.  In my mind...every pencil mark or every brush stroke should be perfect and when it didn't come out just so...I would get frustrated and trash it.  I used to hold myself to a ridiculous standard in that way.  And it translated into other aspects of my life.  There's very few things in my life that I don't like to do right.  Remember what Socrates said: It is not living that's important, but living rightly.  When I was in art school, my professor told me that learning on how to redefine works that aren't exactly coming to fruition is most important in sharpening your artistic abilities.  That sentiment struck a chord with me and ever since, I have tried to quell that kind of impeding habit.  Not to say that I don't get frustrated with my work anymore...because I do...but instead of immediately trashing them, I'll set them aside, allow myself to take a breather (and sometimes leave it alone altogether for a few days) before I pick it back up and try to keep going.  It's hard to ignore your first impulses and trust in your abilities beyond what may be happening in the moment...but I have seen good things come from it.  And conversely, I have taught myself to do the same when things seem to be flowing exceedingly well.  Because when you feel like things are moving along just right...they usually aren't.  If you take time to reflect...imperfections may become a bit more evident.  What's important to my personal progress is to remember how it all began.  I remember when I graduated high school and had expressed my intention of going to art school to my parents...my mother gave me a little something in support of my decision and to show me just how far I'd come along.  To this day I keep it as a constant reminder to not get discouraged or berate myself too much and remember that behind every work, there are years of history and practice flowing into it.  This is my very first drawing:

yellow duckies - crayon and pencil on paper

A Humble Beginning.