The Edge

Waiting in the edge of the inevitable is unlike anything I've ever been confronted with. The well of emotions conjured up by the surrounding circumstances is extraordinarily powerful. It's strange. The recognition of conflicting ideals between what I, or we, want verses what's best for dad makes it all the more perplexing and that much harder to have to deal with.

There's nothing that can be done. The doctors said he's too weak, too malnourished, and the cancer has consumed a large majority if his insides. It hasn't gotten into his organs just yet, but its only a matter if time, I suppose. He's had strokes. Strokes that have made him delusional. I'm not entirely sure he's aware of any of us anymore. In a way I hope he doesn't become fully aware. The weight, the gravity of the decision that's been made...would be devastating. I want my dad to be ok. I want my hero back. I want us to laugh, and play, and be strong men together again. And we never will be again. Not anymore...and my heart hurts.